Arson in Algonquin

We had an arson in Algonquin this week. A gangbanger tried to rob an electronics store by burning down the back door. He ended up catching himself on fire and destroying a city block. I had to investigate the scene. Turns out he couldn't light his cigarette because it was wet, so he dumped some gas on it. The gas got his arm soaked, too. Then he tried lighting his cigarette with the burning building's flames. I can say he isn't going to be robbing any stores for the remainder of his life.

Shooting in China Town

We were patrolling on foot when we saw a Chinese man being robbed by some piece of shit. I would have kept walking, but the new guy wanted to "stop a crime" or something. What are we, policemen? Oh yeah... Anyway, we go into the store and say "LCPD, on the floor!" This guy was like a squirrel on speed! He jumps out of the front window and just runs like hell. I call for backup and I chase him. This guy jumps a fence faster than those Mexican people do! I have to go around the fence and catch up. I aim my sidearm at him and he puts his hands up. Then the guy jumps back and gets hit by a school bus of all vehicles! Those kids will never get over that. Somehow, when his head went through the windshield it was severed from his body. It landed in a 9 year old girl's lap. It took us a while to clean that up. There were so many police psychologists there you wouldn't believe it! I need a drink after THAT one. Some crazy motherfuckers in this town.

Robbery in Broker

We had a punk ass emo kid trying to rob a 24/7 convenience store in Broker today. Stupid ass tried to hold up the store with the same razor blade he uses to cut himself! He ran in the direction of the police station, which was on the same block! We walked toward him and he pulled out the razor blade. We didn't even tell him to drop it before we shot him 12 times. Oh well. We probably did him a favor. Damn emo would have done it to himself if we hadn't shot him. Just another way LCPD fights for freedom!

Protest in lower Algonquin dispursed!

We had an anti war protest in lower Algonquin today. Some douche bag hippies thought they had some bullshit called "freedom of speech" or some other shit. Not in MY city they don't! We sent in the Tactical Response Unit and shot into a crowd of unarmed civilians. 12 people were hospitalized! 5 people died! And it was all in the name of freedom!